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March 3
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I'm still dealing with a bad case of writer's block. And classmates who do everything at the very last minute when it comes to important group assignments. 'Cause, y'know, last minute is the new "on time" these days. And sometimes I hope it doesn't rub off on me, 'cause I used to be a world class procrastinator. But still I find myself procrastinating again, choice or no choice.

We humans live in the paradox of believing that we have all the time in the world yet wait for the adrenaline to kick in when we realize that we don't. Time is like a ride in an airplane: feels like it's moving very slow but in reality is going much quicker. Some will enjoy the ride, some will hate it. Time is a love/hate relationship.

Nah, I'm not complaining. Just trying to wake my brain up. It has a mind of its own, and it wants to be a rebel. A good rebel. A good one and a foolish one at the same time. It also lives in a paradox. It yearns to do good but rebels against the owner unknowingly.

Reminds me of a bible verse:

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." (Romans 7:15)

It's 10 AM on a Monday and the first thing that hits my brain after I sit down to eat breakfast is this:

The blueberries in my blueberry oatmeal are purple. They should be called purpleberries...

Yep, that's how serious my writer's block is. But it did get me typing, right? It just formulated a domino effect to get me doing something at all. It's funny how that works.

And I just used a word that I normally don't use and unknowingly used it in the proper context... Formulated... Formulated... My brain knows things that I didn't even know I knew at all. Hah...!

Will the brain juices be running now? Will the juices be poured into a cup to become a nice drink or down the sink hole in a straight line? My creative brain juices also live in a paradox. They creatively find ways to talk about how uncreative they feel.

Just like those blueberries. 'Cause they're not really blue. They're purple.

And it's just like that. I'm not really blue. I'm just waiting to be free from a prison that my brain tries to lock me in against my own will. My feelings don't define me, nor does what other people think. Who am I to fear the pain of disappointments when I can just be...me? The misunderstood me who people find reasons to hate even when she tries so hard to maintain the peace. Why, let her speak her mind and not let her kill herself with the very idea that people will nitpick and call her an enemy for speaking what is true to what God put inside her heart. Stop being crushed by the filth that lives within the people who hurt your delicate soul for only wanting the best in others, for wanting the spiritual. Stop letting them kill you inside, for if they had a mind to listen they wouldn't be leaving you in the dust. They're broken. Just like you. But a different kind of broken.

Don't let them murder your spirit, for you are unable to die anyway. God made you alive again, so live like you are; you are a beautiful person who deserves to be loved like anybody else, and you don't need to feel guilt from it. So stop acting like you're not, 'cause God says you are. That's what I needed to tell myself. That's still what I need to tell myself.

And somehow, it all ties in together and starts to make sense.
All this. From blueberries in a cup of oatmeal.


If you yourself have been going through some recent hurt, you may also be surprised where you can find even the tiniest piece of inspiration to drive you forward.


God bless and thanks for reading!

~ Jazzy C. Oaks damphyr [3-03-2014]
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:iconsmilekeeper:
smilekeeper Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I like the creativity in this post from you.
I think the best of writers suffer from writer's block occasionally.
It's almost like a time to refocus (in my opinion). Or to let your mind be free for a little while.
And of course, time is definitely as you say, hahah. I couldn't agree more with some of the things you mentioned in here.
And the English terminology like "paradox" was nice to see. (:
Perhaps you'll find creativity in something unexpected?
You never know. (:
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:iconcuddlesaurus21:
cuddlesaurus21 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha... "purpleberries..." that does seem to make more sense. :rofl:

And yeah... I'm sorta feeling the same way about procrastination. I have some pictures I need to finish coloring all waiting on the computer, and more I need to draw... yet I feel so tired for no reason and just want to sit in bed here with my laptop. I have CFS, but still. I've really felt in a rut more than normal this week. :exhausted: Kind of depressed, too.

I'm sorry if people have been hating on the "misunderstood you" though! :( They shouldn't! You seem a very nice person and very inspirational too.
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:iconjazzy-c-oaks:
Jazzy-C-Oaks Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014   General Artist
Sounds like my entire February. I'll be praying for you. :(

Well that's basically how it goes with all the close relationships I have with anyone who isn't God; just a history of betrayal and ignorance and blindness. It's the reason why I have no people in my life who I can confidently call my close friends--just acquaintances, negative influences, and people who come to me for help but in the end are unappreciative and take me for granted. Yeah, my life is ironic like that. I just happen to attract the wrong kind of company.
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:iconcuddlesaurus21:
cuddlesaurus21 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh goodness... it's okay, my troubles aren't that bad at all right now. I feel more sorry for you. I'm so sorry things are like that for you. :( I'll certainly say a prayer that you can find some truly loving people in your life. :iconsweethugplz:
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:iconjazzy-c-oaks:
Jazzy-C-Oaks Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014   General Artist
:hug:
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:iconkaitousamurai2:
KaitouSamurai2 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Ah, I loved this!  I think I needed this, too. :)
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:iconjazzy-c-oaks:
Jazzy-C-Oaks Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014   General Artist
Thank you for reading! It's nice that you got something out of this too. God bless! :)
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:iconkaitousamurai2:
KaitouSamurai2 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
No problem!  I sure did.  God bless you as well. :D
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:iconswiftblue-fox:
SwiftBlue-Fox Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I am familiar with that passage. and it is so true... Why is it that we procrastinate even when we don't want to? and teamwork... requires team effort. And I find it weird that we sometimes forget that we like to do creative things... We see them as work or feel discouraged... but then a little push goes a long way. sometimes we have to make the push ourselves. Other times we need help. But in the end we should never put ourselves down but be thankful for who we are and the time we have.. we must choose the bright side, for it will lead us in the way everlasting. :aww: thank you for sharing this...  what you said in the end.. it's something I believe, and tell myself. nice to hear it from someone else as well. Purple can be a fiery blue! I guess. sometimes Blue isn't blue. ^^ I much enjoyed this journal.

I also found a cool poem... Oatmeal.. heh. it's funny how something so small and simple becomes so meaningful and warm.. then you smile as you look at your breakfast of steamed grains..
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:iconjazzy-c-oaks:
Jazzy-C-Oaks Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014   General Artist
Indeed, even the way we sometimes find our creative drive tedious is a paradox. But I also learn that the more we hold ourselves back the less we are able to give something our best effort. This restraint tends to rear its head from time to time when I find myself overthinking many things, and it just makes the writer's block even tougher to break.

Thank you for reading, it's nice that you got something out of it too. :nod:

Hahah, I guess so! Purple does come from blue anyway. I guess it's both red & blue and neither red nor blue at the same time. :giggle: It still very much illustrates how we can't always stick things into boxes and that things shouldn't have to be defined by just one aspect.

Letting that inner poet out to breathe in the fresh scent of steamy oats...mmm...
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